soooooooooooooooooo drunkkkkk
my dad and i got drunk and talked philosophy.  Aggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  hahahaha

wish my dealer would answer his phone need some eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

What is the dumbest thing you've ever done?
Slept outside a night club in the winter in Canada to go to a concert.

Writer's Block: Going Without
Have you ever fasted or done a cleanse?
Hahahaha, what a good question for a site with a remarkably large pro-ana community.

Ahhh, wtf
My dad keeps fucking about with the OS and now I've got to reinstall all my Sims stuff.  Not to mention the face that now that my Flash player isn't working and I can't look at Youtube.

:[  What a nuisance.

On a brighter note, revisionary surgery tomorrow.  Er, today.  Man, my sleep schedule is jacked up.  It's 4 AM and I'm nowhere near ready to go to bed.  I've been playing KOTOR II a lot lately.  It's a good game, despite all the bugs.  The ending is shit, though.  The plot is good, but the missions are sort of repetitive and I don't really feel up to another several hours of, "Go kill all these things." or "Go infiltrate this."

And I swear to God if I get separated from the Ebon Hawk one more goddamn time.  When someone says to you, "Your ship is stolen/inaccessable!" your response shouldn't have to be, "Aw, hell, not this shit again."  But maybe I'm just bitter because I'm playing darkside right now and I wanna make a lightside character, too, but I have no intention of slogging through the interminable hell of boredom that is the Peragus mining facility.

Y'know, Fallout 3's mission are the same way.  On the surface, their different but on the inside, not really.  Oblivion suffers the same problem.  It's all, "Go into this annoying dark cave and kill something/bring me something/fix something."

So I guess that that long rant was mean to say is that I'm bored.

Fuck, how should I know?

April 23rd
It's my birthday. :3  I'm 19.

Well, that's that, then.
So the drama with B continues.  I was so dreading work today, knowing B would be there.

She greets me with a, "Hi, Pinky!" Pinky being a nickname she made for me when I had pink hair.

I wave at her irritably and keep walking to wherever I had to be at the time.  Then she's all, "I still love you!"

: /  Oh, thank you so much.  I was so worried that you might never forgive me for the horrible crime of being gay.  >:[  When I go to send her on her break, I'm a bit irritated.  She tries to hug me.  WHICH WAS NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO AT ALL.  I nearly struck her.

I say something irritable like, "Oh, don't get to close.  I wouldn't want you to throw up or anything."

Then B apologizes saying, "I'm sorry you were offended by what I said last night."

Now I'm conflicted.  I'm feeling like, 'Am I supposed to forgive her now?  Does it make me the asshole if I don't?'  So I just say, "Enjoy your break, B."

Next time we talk I say, "Okay, look.  There's no reason for you to apologize for what you said --"

B interjects, "Oh no, not for what I said.  I'm sorry you were offended."

So I continue, "All right then.  Well, you find homosexuals disgusting and I'm a homosexual.  There's no reason for us to continue to be friends."

Then B is all, "Okay!  That's fine."

Then another cashier, let's call her D, cuts in, "What's going on?"

I say, "B finds homosexuals disgusting and I'm a homosexual."

B agrees, "I do.  I think it's disgusting.  I don't agree with the lifestyle.  Now, Liz, I don't think you're disgusting..."

I say, "I find that attitude disgusting."

B says, "Okay!  All right!  And then we move on."  I think by 'move on' she meant, 'continue with a professional working relationship'.

But I'm completely ignoring everything she's saying by then.  Okay, for one, lifestyle?  LIFESTYLE?  Oh, fuck off with your "lifestyle".  And another thing, I would be fine if she said that it would disgust her to kiss another woman.  Or that she had trouble understanding it.  Sure.  That's fine.  That's not what she was saying.  She was saying that homosexuality, in and of itself, was the disgusting thing.

I bet D wishes she had never asked. Hmm.

B goes back to her lane, right as rain. Not a care in the world.  I'm visibly upset.  I don't know.  Something about someone using the term "disgusting" about 5 times per sentence to describe me touched a nerve.

D is all, "Well, I love you, Liz."  D is pretty awesome.

I'm like, "I just love it.  What I am is an insult.  I just hate--" then I have guests.  I don't know what I was gonna say anyway.

I try to get through the couple hours I have left to my shift, end up crying in the bathroom for a bit.  Which bugs me like no other.  There I was, crying in the bathroom, and B completely couldn't give a shit.  I didn't know it was that easy to turn completely cold to someone.

Then I'm back on lane, where a guest asks me how I am and I all I can do is laugh.  But then one of my more perceptive bosses rescues me and has me go zone (uh, organize) G block (grocery) with her.

So I was feeling all right by the time I left.

But now I'm all paranoid.  I mean, I don't hide my sexuality, but there are a lot of people who don't know, too.  I've got a friend at work, let's call her C, who I'm much closer to than I ever was to B.  I don't know what I'd do if it turns out she's anti-gay, too.

I'm incredibly disappointed.
So I was getting ready to leave from work.  Two coworkers A, B, and I were standing near the timeclock.

B and I were talking about how a guest we had in the store thought I was a skinhead due to my haircut.

A laughs and says, "Oh, I just thought you were bi!"

B is shocked.  She says, "A!  That's not funny.  If you said that to me I'd kick you in the teeth."

Now I'M schocked.  I say, "B! I AM bi!"

B looks at me incredulously, "Really?  I think that's disgusting. I mean, to each their own, but I find that disgusting.  That's really disgusting."

A tries to backpedal, "Oh, I was just kidding!  I don't even know you, Liz!  I was just... I didn't mean to.."

I just said, "Awesome.  I'm going home."

I've known B for two years.  I thought we were friends.  Now I know why some people wear their sexuality on their sleeves.  They can avoid this kind of hurt.  This is most certainly the end of a friendship.

Why should I be friends with someone who finds me disgusting?  So disgusting, in fact, that if someone to insinuate that she was like me she would physically assault them.  Who finds who I love disgusting?  It's something about myself I can't change!  It's an integral part of who I am.  I'm so hurt.

If I said to B, "Oh, wow, you're black?  I mean, to each their own, but that's really disgusting..."  I would be instantly rebuked by everyone around me!  But B says this sort of cruel thing to me and nobody says a goddamn thing.

My Mom tries to make me see it in another way.  Like, maybe B has never known a bi person before or some shit.  She says I can't expect everyone to be accepting.  I know that.  I also know that  I don't have any more room in my heart for people like B.  I've got enough of that from my family.  My father who calls me "aberrant" and my grandfather who says, "Homosexuals have something seriously wrong in their heads."

The friendship between B and I is over.  I have no patience for that sort of bullshit.  That sort of point of view is what I find disgusting.

(no subject)
Okay, so I think this will be my first entry in this things.  Which is sort of funny, since I've had it for so long.  I just use it for communities, mostly.

But I feel like writing today,  and so I shall.

Went to Necto last night, Mondays are factory night.  It was fucking sweet.  I am totally going next monday.  I went on Friday, gay night, but it was fucking stupid.  I left early.  They play shitty eurobeat stuff.

The crowd was mostly cool.  There were some cybergoths, some regular goths, some norms... But then there were your Hot Topic goths and fucking otaku bastards.  Some half-naked fat Chinese dude kissed my hand and hugged me.  After greeting me with some bullshit kung-fu stance thing.  o_O

Then some kid wearing a leash kissed my hand too and hugged me so hard he cracked my back.  They were nice...  But.  Yeah.

But then but then but THEN omigod.  This completely hot normal looking chick and her friend come up to us and the chick says she'll do me a favor for a cig.  I'm like, "lol, it's okay, just have one."

So they sit down with me and my friend and this chick is fucking wild.  She's a lesbian, and really wants to work the fetish show they do on mondays.  She was trying to find out who ran the thing so she could be in it.  ((The lady actually randomly came up to talk to us and so Sylvia, that's her name, gave her her number!  I bet she's gonna do it.))  She's a massage therapist.  She gave me a back massage for another cig, lol.

Eventually her, Pat (my friend), and Keaton (her friend) go up and dance.  Her and Keaton are the most ridiculously fun dancers, and they obviously don't give a shit about what anyone thinks.  Much better than those cyber bitches who do the exact same moves all night no matter what tempo the song is.

Uh... and yeah.  We lost the two and one point and so it was just Pat, me, and occasionally some random others dancin'.  But then Pat hurt his foot so he had to go sit down.  I didn't want to sit with him, so I just kept dancing.  Then some fucking Cholo bastard comes up to me and is all making fun of the way I dance.  Then he tries to hit on me and gets all impressed when I tell him I'm bi (he asked). :|

So I tell him I have to go check on my poor injured friend and scurry away.  Dickweed.  Anyway, so we meet up with Keaton and Sylvia again but now there's some random Korean dude that Sylvia's lovin' on to get drinks and shit.  Girl is very "free love", I bet. xD  Eventually we're makin' out and she has her hand up my skirt and it's just like wooooaaaahhh. lol  

So she has my attention for pretty much the rest of the night.  I'm sure Pat made due, he's a gregarious little thing.  So they close the place ((After doing a sing-along Bohemian Rhapsody.  I love this fucking club)) and the security guys are all walking around being all "Go hhhhoooooommmeeeee."

So I'm like, "We're being kicked out."
An she's like, "Oh."
Then the guard is all, "Naw, you just keep doing what you're doin!"
And the other guy was like, "Haha, yeah I wuz jus' gonna walk by real slow hahaha.'

So we get outside, Pat giving her a piggy back ride and I was on Keaton's back.  I thought I was gonna die when we went down the stairs.  DDD:  But the security guard made them put us down, thank God.  So we're outside and we're kissin' goodbye and there's this random bum out there and he's all, "Now this is a fucking party!!"  xD

I didn't know kissing a girl got so much friggin' notice.  Oh well, don't bother me none.

Oh, and random other things about the club.  The DJ had us do a train which was hilarious.  And there's always this 80 year old guy there just shakin' his groove thang.  He's the shit.  I'm totally dancing with him one of these days.

Oh, and there was this guy in a fishnet shirt and leather pants doing the weirdest, like, angry Dracula dance.  He even got up on the stripper pole at one point and that was just funny as fuck.

I guess that's it.  Whoo~ It was so much fun.  Can't fuckin' wait 'til Monday.

So. I'm writin' a journal entry. I don't usually use livejournal so I'm still trying to figure out how to format it right now...


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