On the Discontinuation of Friendship
I have decided that I am done with Wesley.  The negatives of his friendship have outweighed the positives.  While tagging along with him has earned me several useful contacts and taken me on some interesting adventures, he bores me now.  He is constantly wheedling me, trying to get to buy him something, take him somewhere or some such thing.  He is very good at getting what he wants, and becomes petulant if he does not receive it.  I accepted this as the price of interacting with him, as the majority of our time together was enjoyable.

He was the first person in a long time to attempt to get close to me.  I let him in, interested.  He seems alternately horrified and almost... condescending?... at what he finds.  He has been an interesting sounding board for my own thoughts, as one tends to never win an argument with oneself.  There's a blankness in him that I recognize, but it is dependent on other people.  He feels he is above us, and gets his gratification from controlling people.  I have no use for someone who feels they are above me.  His monster is delusional.  Everyone is the same, to think you're better than the rest of us howling monkeys is a rather nice comfort for some, I suppose.

Maybe I'll at least get some amusement out of his reaction when I cut ties.


There is one thing to be thankful to him for.  He asked me questions that I had long ago stopped asking myself.  I feel I have the answers now.  I am not interested in hiding.  I am not interested in being pleasant.  However, I am fearful.  Revealing too much of oneself gives other's power over you.

I will no longer shove away thoughts that interest or excite me.  Probably, I will remain outwardly unchanged, but I will let my inner egomaniac run wild.  I am not different.  I am not special or unique.  But life is short and meaningless.  If it gives me a sense of satisfaction to feel unique, I have no problem allowing myself this delusion.  Neither will I deny myself the despair in those moments when I can feel the horrible/awesome/terrifying/hilarious futility of doing anything.

Learning to feel honestly will be hard.  At this point, it is very difficult to tell whether I am feeling something, or just convincing myself that I am feeling it.



Everything people do has a motive.  Everything is a powerplay.  I am merely deciding to no longer be slave to the motives of others.

So last night, out of nowhere my dad asks me, "Are you still... uh... using anything?"

Looks like it's time to DELETE FUCKING EVERTHING!!! Ahhhhhh!


Good Lord, I'm just full of crazy.
Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 66%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 66%
Borderline |||||||||||||||| 66%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 42%
Narcissistic |||| 14%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Dependent |||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||| 30%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
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INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.
Take Free Jung Personality Test
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Enneagram Test Results
Type 1 Perfectionism |||||| 26%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||| 20%
Type 3 Image Awareness |||| 20%
Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||| 70%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||| 53%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||| 36%
Type 9 Calmness |||||| 23%
Your main type is 5
Your variant is self pres
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Everyone, check real quick that you and I don't share blood...
This shit is unlucky.

My grandma is in the hospital right now. Something about her spine. One disc is herniated and the other one just straight disappeared. I didn't even know that could happen? Huh.

Also my cousin is dead of a brain aneurysm at the age of 30.

What the hell.


So, it seems I am no longer a virgin. Finally! Jesus, I'm 19 for fucks sake. My ex-boyfriend (?) and I lost it together. So that's sort of cute, no? We were so roaring drunk, hahaha. I think I would've been too nervous, otherwise.

But now he's pushing for a relationship. : / Hmm hmm hmm. We'll see how this turns out.

Fuck my life
So I scratched my car today.  Again.  Now I'll owe my parents even more money.  Right now I owe 425 dollars but I simply don't work enough/make enough money to keep up with that plus my car payments.  So the amount I owe never really diminishes significantly.  And their insurance will probably rise now.  Ugh ugh ugh.  This has been the worst day.

(no subject)
Just called L'esprit to set up a tour of their school.  Why does such a tiny thing make me so nervous?

The Planet Will Be Fine

Attention: People with the reusable bags! You know who you are. Those of you who freak out if I so much as look like I might be CONSIDERING bagging your things in plastic. Those of you who wait until I'm halfway done bagging your transaction before you remember that OMG you brought your bags today!!

And ESPECIALLY you motherfuckers who decide that it is your duty to lecture me on the evils of plastic. Fuck you. 

And you people with your "Hahaha, gotta save those plastic trees." Just goes to show you don't even know WHY you're using those reusable bags.  Shows that two years ago, you wouldn't have given half a shit.  But now that it's the popular thing to do...?  You're all over it, aren't you? >:[

Please, all you fine people, hearken to the wise words of this old dead white guy:

Cut for videoCollapse )

(no subject)
Just shaved my hair back to a mohawk.  Did a rather hack job of it.  Hahaha.  Hopefully I can get someone to help me make it neater tomorrow.

Trying to shave the back of your own head is hard...


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